Thursday, December 1, 2011

NOW THAT I'M FEELING NORMAL AGAIN

I am not really sure how to put this post into words. I feel normal. Hooray! Not sure when the normalness came back. But for a while after I had Elting I felt strange and so unlike myself. I really can't say if it was just a raging case of hormones, baby blues or maybe a smidge of postpartum depression. But looking back it was something.

The best way I can describe it and I have already said this, I just did not feel like myself. I felt sad. I felt overwhelmed. I felt depressed. I felt exhausted. I felt different. I felt disconnected. I felt lonely. I felt anxious. I felt insanely happy. I felt tremendous love. I felt like a mommy. It was odd to feel so sad and so happy at the same time. I am sure that is what hormones do to you.

It really was some of the happiest days of my life but I was also off my rocker. I never ever felt any ill will towards Elting but I did have crazy crazy worries. Like the time I was convinced at two weeks old that she was autistic. I am laughing out loud right now just typing that. Yes. I thought my two week old was autistic. And I bawl cried for two days and had my best friend who is a RN reading medical journals to reassure me that she was and is indeed just fine.

I also felt so different from my friends. I felt like we had nothing in common. I couldn't really talk to them because I didn't know how to explain how I was feeling and the experiences that were happening to me. I was afraid that I would never care about the same silly things like tv shows, books and cooking again.

But here I am. I do care about silly reality television shows, and I just checked out another Young Adult series from the library and I do feel connected to my friends again. I enjoy cooking again and I feel like my marriage is strong. I feel normal.

Looking back I know I did not feel normal because my whole world had turned upset down. I went from being a wife to being a mommy and a wife. I quit my job. I wasn't sleeping. It was a crazy time so it is only natural I was a feeling a little crazy.

I have some girlfriends who are close to having babies of their own. And I can only hope that I can be there when they feel weird and unlike themselves. Because feeling that way after you have met the love of your life has to be NORMAL right?

6 comments:

Delta Daisies said...

You're not alone. I have SO many friends that went through that! I have not had children yet, but I'm sure I will go through the sammmmmmme thing...:)

The Beidleman's said...

TOTALLY NORMAL! Ayres is 8 months. I just thought this week...I am starting to feel like myself again. :)

Claire Gillentine said...

oh I am glad its not just me...last week I had break downs every day! This week much better. I am so 100% in love with my little man but it for sure makes your life a whole new life.

Love your blog and keeping up with all your fun stuff!

Alicia said...

Hey there! I'm a MS State grad, and I found your blog through some of our mutual friends. Love reading about your experiences, since I have an 8 month old little boy! Also - I live in Memphis! :) I had pretty bad PPD, and can tell you I felt the exact same way you did. So glad you are feeling better! Love love your blog!

Prier Family said...

What is normal? :0)
It is a life change. Felt alot of the same feelings. And way more after Ally. It helps to share what we've been through. So our friends arent caught off guard if it happens to them. I hope and pray no one else goes through it, but hormones, life change, and lack of sleep with do it to you! And I'm also convinced its the devil trying to steal any joy he can from such an incredible blessing.
Glad you are feeling better! Sweet elting is precious!

Megan said...

I will definitely be calling you! I feel like this MUST happen to everyone. Babies just turn your world upside down! I already feel like some friends who are just in completely different places have no idea what I'm going through just being pregnant!